Wed 15th Dec : Letter On The Train

Mate,

You get busy, mobility gets restricted, schedule a little less flexible. And that's just me. Before I worked I thought that having money would have more freedom to do what I wanted to do no longer would I be restricted because I don’t have the money (and surely I should be staying at home paying off my debts, paying her for rent before I should go out when I have no money). Now that I have a little money I am expected to spend that time that I thought would be free doing my best to make a home. This means I am restricted in my social life as I should be supposedly dedicating my funds to the upkeep of the apartment and one day this ring thing that her mother keeps talking about. And her grandmother, and her father, and her cousin. And my mother.

Does this desire for freedom just another expression of the human need for change? When I had no money, I wished for a job and for a decent living. Now I have a job and a decent living, I long for the time I had when I was out of work and the freedom I had when I last lived in London.

So analyzing this allows me to conclude that I should resign myself to the fact that today is the best it will ever get. Yesterday it was the day where it was the best it will ever get. Tomorrow is too.

Where does all this lead to? Don't ask me mate. I'm writing this on the 2.23 out of Grand Central to White Plains. If this is really as good as it's going to get the ticket collector would have been a gorgeous brunette with a saucy smile.  Obviously the last para is a joke if my girlfriend ever reads it but if she doesn't then...

The poster on the station we have pulled up to beside me makes me laugh. A man and a woman pose on a couch for an ad for shoes. Someone's scrawled by the pretty man's mouth 'I am gay' and by the lonely woman's mouth 'I want dick'. I wonder how true that really was on the day of the shoot. Now, meeting her would have been a good day. Maybe not him. Unless he was the sort of guy with a credit card behind the bar. Now that would be a best day.  Obviously the last para is a joke if my girlfriend ever reads it but if she doesn't then...

I appreciate the concern about the Lady. Don’t worry: she asked me, again, to leave the apartment and find a place to stay last night. And work? Somedays I walk around with the impression all of my ideas are wrong. Then I find out I am wrong for no longer expressing my ideas. I have no idea why. Bosses and girlfriends. I am reminded about that poster on the platform of that long departed station.

Tuckahoe. Where's that? I hope they have an ATM at the station at White Plains.

So - enough. I love your friendship and I love your life. Man, imagine having a baby girl. Wow.

And to sign off: my current most favorite line from a movie - Dazed & Confused. Pink tells his old friends gathered for one last blow out: "I don’t want to wake up one day to find that these were the best days of my life."

GB