I have changed the site web address! You will automatically be redirected to www.guybrighton.com in 3 seconds. If your browser doesn't automatically load, click HERE. Guy Brighton's Wishful Thinking: FRIDAY 31st OCTOBER




Yes, yes. I know this is a blog about New York City Baby but I must publish an email regarding a stag do I'll be missing. It's in Newcastle (England) and one of the best men compiled a helpful list of bars to go to:

From Anton Lng (Newcastle Chap)
Offshore 44 - It might have a splattering of work types but cannot believe it will be too chocker early on. It does do cheap cocktails before 8 which might not interest you but does means that birds do tend to utilise it. One of the few bars that is a bit unique to Newcastle so worth a visit.

Red House / Bob Trollope's (linked by corridor at back) - same as Offshore 44 - oldie worldie but does cheap trebles at times - is a bit of a rabbit warren at the back. Older crowd.

Jimmy's - full of townie scum, great place, nightmare getting served at bar on far wall. Slightly older bint most times I have been there, but occasional youth does flourish. Could end up in a dodgy council pad if you pull a ropey old sort from here.

The Quayside (turn right on other side of road to Offshore) - was mint in summer as has large courtyard (with canopy and heaters for colder nights) and full of young tuckass, firm and loadsa flesh on show. A beaver's lodge etc. Might be worth a view then?

Pravda - decent enough, younger lot (a bit further down, turn right outside Offshore and walk past Julie's and Jimmy's)

Chase - you will end up here, I know it, everyone does. Glitzy, neon sharp-lined trend bar full of arseholes. Decent enough, also has outside bit and a downstairs - do former, avoid latter part unless want a secluded place to do a bit of Gianluca or Billy.

Bar 38 - like Chase but newer and clientele have more money on themselves than in Chase. Clientele are typical Geordie townies in expensive clobber.

Akenside Traders - seedier end of market, cheaper, with cheesy chart hits and old bints to left-hand side as you walk in, right-hand side hard blokes on low wages. Mirror readers will love it.

Crown Posada - narrow corridor bar full of old blokes - avoid. In all the beer guides but a crap-hole really.

Martha's - had enjoyed a renaissance with us lot recently. A poor man's Bar38; and downside is that it tends to be a bit male dominated with shaven headed lowlifes outside but bint inside (that was the summer anyway).

Casa - decent enough, nee character really. Bogs are downstairs.

Moving away from around the roundabout towards and past the Tyne Bridge:

Flynn's - used to be good, don't go there now. Small.

Pitcher and Piano - too far away from the main drag of bars so if it is raining avoid. Great views of Gateshead and all its culture from the glass waterside frontage. Re-known for being expensive but is not really too bad unless on shorts. Too far away for my liking. Is open till 1am if in b4 11 I think.

Stereo - used to be the Barley Mow for those who used to know Ncle. New trendy spot. I have only been there mid week but could be a pulling zone at w/e's some young trendy spiky haired lad told me. So unless you are young trendy and spiky haired then avoid??

Waterline - a old favourite, but not been there in a while. Probably now a
seedy dive - so great?


All the decent clubs (two) are on the Gateshead side of the river. Walk over the swing bridge (the little one painted red and white next to Casa). Boat to left and Baja and Buffalo Joe's to right. Nowt else on Gateshead Quayside. Newcastle is chocker - expect queues after 10pm for all these places. If on hoi early then perhaps take in a club early??

The Boat (Tuxedo Princess / Royale / whatever) - I still like it but not
been there in a while. Always busy, plenty of different rooms and different music styles. Can be a little, how can I put this, lively. I mean it is whack pack full of scum from lowbrow parts of Newcastle and stag/hen do's from all over the country, all of them pissed up and some can be lairy at times. Apparently taxi's no longer pick up from outside due to United Nations trying to make it a demilitarised zone. A laugh and best chance of a low class scuttle.

Buffalo Joe's - a late bar really (till 1pm?). Packed and full of bint. Well worth a visit usually if can stand to queue and like busy bars. Poptastic music and a mechanical bucking bronco for f4nny and t1t flashes from drunken young fillies (I mean ratted slappers) who sat astride it.

Baja - pronounce 'Ba-ha' unless Geordie then 'Bad-ger'. Beach themed brotheladon used to be a good guarantee of a pull here. A bit of decent patter over the 60/70/80/90/00s music they loop-tape here to a bleary eyed sp5nkbucket should do the trick. Well-designed nightclub. A Langy favourite. Expect to queue after 10. Holds loads though.

Julie's - expensive and much smaller than the Boat. Last few times I have been there it has been a little exotic (i.e. a Caribbean clientele) and the music is always abysmal house / dance / r'n'b crap I have never heard (i.e. not 80s).

Sea - Chocker, full rammed busy. A nightmare as they let too many in.
Worth a visit though as the birds there are usually quality but unfortunately untouchable. If anyone gets a lay out of this joint on a w/e night they get the Freedom of the City. Music - modern trendy similar to Julie's. A posher trendier Julie's really.

BIGG MARKET (yes two 'g's' = GG)

All the same - young and loud. Except Blackie Boy - old and quieter and cheap trebles. Pig and Whistle is the pit of teenagery if you fancy remembering what things used to be like.

Blu Bambu (yes no 'e' and 'u' not 'oo')
A club on the Bigg Market - you get the picture already. If over 30 enter at your peril and leave the joint alone. Full of 20 year old dole-ites and factory workers. I quite like it.


Grey's Club - the last refuge club of the desperate. Get a taxi there (it is off Grey Street if you want to find it yourself up 300 metres from Martha's on left down a dodgy alleyway). Full of 50+ birds (and older) and sketchier than Rolf Harris' Cartoon Time. Nicknamed Jurassic Park by taxi drivers - full of dinosaurs hunting young flesh. Avoid.

Quay Club - shut now and has had abortive attempts to turn into a lap dance
bar (not by me).

Stage Door - last time I was there on a Saturday it had 4 people in from 11.25 to 12.20am. Used to be the best pulling spot in town - now a wasteland. The saddest thing that has happened in my life is this place being as finished as I am.

Bar XS - on Percy Street. Only been once. A neon little pit which could have potential as a replacement Stage-y? Needs exploration.

If you need a lap dance bar - only one - For Your Eyes Only. Get a cab there from Quayside as it is round back of Worsick Street bus station and a faff to find. I have not been but expensive compared to continent - ie 10er in, 10er a dance and 5er a pint. Bint tends to be decent at w/e's I have heard.

October 31, 2003 | Permalink


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